Five simple, skills-based ideas to help you pause, steady yourself, and choose your next step.
Some moments feel like emotions arrive all at once and take over. Your heart is racing, your thoughts are loud, and it’s hard to think clearly. This is a human experience, not a personal failing.
The skills below are inspired by ideas used in DBT. They won’t remove difficult feelings, and they aren’t a replacement for therapy, but they can help you create a little space between a feeling and what you do next.
1. STOP
When you notice you’re about to react, use these four steps:
- Stop. Freeze for a moment. Don’t act yet.
- Take a step back. Take a breath and give yourself some room.
- Observe. What is happening inside you and around you?
- Proceed mindfully. Choose what to do with your values and goals in mind.
Even a few seconds can change how you respond. It helps to practice this on small annoyances first.
2. Slow, paced breathing
Breathe in gently, then make your out-breath longer than your in-breath. For example, breathe in for four counts and out for six. Repeat for a minute or two. A longer exhale often helps the body settle. If focusing on your breath feels uncomfortable, skip this one and try another skill instead. There’s no single right way.
3. Grounding with your senses
Bring your attention to the present by naming:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel or touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
This helps pull your mind out of spiraling thoughts and back into the room around you.
4. Check the facts
Strong emotions can make a situation feel more certain, or more threatening, than it is. Ask yourself:
- What actually happened, just the facts?
- What story am I telling myself about it?
- Is there another way to look at this?
- Does the intensity of my emotion fit the facts?
Sometimes the feeling fits and you need to solve a problem. Other times it helps to adjust the story. Either way, you’re making a choice instead of just reacting.
5. Opposite action
Emotions often push us toward certain behaviors. If an emotion doesn’t fit the facts, or acting on it won’t help, try doing the opposite. For example, if you feel like withdrawing from everyone, you might send a short message to someone you trust. Start small, and be kind to yourself in the process.
Practice before you need it
Skills work best when you’ve practiced them during calmer moments. Try one this week, even when you don’t feel overwhelmed, so it’s familiar when you need it. It’s normal for a skill to feel awkward at first, and to work better some days than others.
When to reach out for more support
If big emotions are affecting your school, work, relationships, or safety, you don’t have to handle it alone. Therapy can help you learn and practice these skills with personal guidance. If you’d like to talk, send an inquiry through the form on this site.
If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911.
